I have never told my entire story before, but I feel the need to now for some reason.
I just escaped an abusive 15 year marriage. My husband is a very skilled con man. I thought he was perfect. Very shortly after we were married, his temper emerged. For the first couple years, I was very fiesty and would fight him back. By the time our first 2 kids came, he had me convinced I was not qualified enough to do any type of work other then have more babies.

We had 4 children together and I made the decision to be more submissive and trust him to lead our family and make decisions for us while I focused on bringing up the children. I knew if I were to oppose his decisions, I would be yelled at, called names, or physically abused in front of our children, so I stayed compliant.

My husband liked to spend money on himself while the kids and I went without. I wasnt allowed to have money, a car, or friends. I was severely depressed.

This is the most difficult part to admit...About 7 years ago, he started making unusual sexual demands on me as well. He wanted to watch me have sex with strangers. He signed me up on swingger sites, and websites designed for women looking for sex with strange men. He didnt care how much this disgusted me. The more I would protest, the worse he would treat me. He would insult me and badger me, until I gave in. I can never take enough showers to not feel like filth.

He brought me cocaine to try before one of my "dates". I found that the cocaine made my "dates" easier for me to bear. This became a routine. After the kids were put to bed, I would find the cocaine he left waiting for me in my bedroom, and my "date" would show up a few hours later. I dont know how I was able to stop the cocaine, because he was constantly trying to tempt me with it...but I finally stood my ground and stopped it all (the coke and the sex).

After I stopped having sex with strangers, he could not be satisfied with conventional sex anymore. He sulked about our sex life for the next 7 years. 2 years ago, we stopped having sex all together.

He would call me names in front of our children everyday...*****, *****, coke*****, etc. He would also call the kids names daily...******, pig, *****, asshole, etc. He would tell the kids I didnt love them, and not to listen to me, because I was crazy.

My father passed away last year and left me $250,000. My husband immediatly quite his job, and made foolish and selfish decisions on how to squander my inherientance. I knew I needed to make a decision to leave him, because this was the only chance I would ever get. I investested some of it in a small business, and left most of it on the stocks and mutual funds where my father had them.

I was too afraid to ask him for a divorce still, because I knew I would catch a beating in front of the kids, especially now that he's on steriods. I also knew I would be accused of leaving him because I didnt want to share my inherritance. But last week he pushed me too far, and I finally snapped...I told him I wanted a divorce. As expected, he attacked me in front of the children, and our 13 yr old called 911. He was arrested and taken to jail. The officer at the scene heard him blame it all on my daughter, and asked the judge for protective custody for me and the children.

He violated the order 2 days later, on july 4th, by chasing us in his car. I called 911 again and had him rearrested. He is out on bond again now, with a GPS tracking device on his ankle. However, I still dont feel safe, and my kids and I are now hiding in a hotel.

He is on Facebook all day, everyday crying the blues. Telling all kinds of lies, and rallying support from family and friends. I have stayed silent here, hiding like a scared animal with the kids. His parents have both told me to never contact them again. I cant tell anyone how awful he was to us, without mudslinging, and airing our dirty laundry. I am hurt that I have lost his family too.

I hear he is suicidal and that terrifies me. I fear he will kill us all.
I have terrible nightmares every night now. I wake up panicked and feel high anxiety ALL day. I'm also depressed. Will I ever feel good again?

Thanks for listening