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He says I focus on the past too much, that I need to just move forward. I'm trying! I tried to tell him up until I was 22 years old (3 years ago) I was in constant chaos and abuse, that it didn't end until I met him and I've been trying to put myself together and get my thinking on the right track but he says I focus on the past too much, it's done and over and I need to just move forward
I want to soooo incredibly bad, just forget it ever happened and I tried that approach for a long time and it landed me where I am now, extremely anxious and psuedoseizures from the built up repression. I would give my right arm to just forget what happened and live in the present, I want that so badly, I just don't know how and I don't know how to explain to him that it takes work going through the past. I don't know how to make him understand that it takes time to heal from the pain.
He's so understanding and caring, he just never went through abuse like this. Granted he didn't have a perfect childhood but there's a big difference in the way we grew up. And I feel like I've been tainted and am not good enough for him because of all of the grotesque things that have been done to me. But he doesn't understand why I feel this way. (Talking about my fiance) he's such a good man I just don't know how to help him understand. Or maybe I am the one in the wrong for this...
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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