thx asia ....."And while i don't want her to be my mommy, i want my own mother to have been more like her.".....this part is a big factor of this sadness. im also not sad that im not a part of her family and ive never wished that i was....its just a huge huge reminder of how dysfunctional my life seems right now. talking to my parents on the phone is stressful enough.....impossible to imagine going on and being excited about a big family vacation spending all kinds of time together and being close and blah blah blah. im sure her life is not perfect but damnit she's so perfect to me. Smart, pretty, confident, SO confident, seems to know what she wants and where she's going, close family........and here i am....confused, depressed, lost, overwhelmed, pathetic, not confident, bad wife, etc etc.......ugh.