Maybe I'm not depressed at all. Maybe I am just a lazy, cynical, negative, shy, introverted home-body who hates people. Maybe that's just me and you can't change who you are. None of my meds have "worked," whatever that feels like. I've felt the same way every since I can remember: unhappy. Unhappy with my life, with myself, with my relationship, etc.

I hate therapy. It feels pointless. Although everything does lately. Swallowing three pills and I stay the same person? Pointless. Getting out of the house and being around people? Pointless.

If I'm just going to be this same useless, empty person then I'm sure I could do that WITHOUT the $80 worth of prescriptions every month.

But how do you know? Where do you draw the line between depression/anxiety and just plain laziness or procrastination or a simple dislike of a certain activity? Maybe I'll NEVER want to be in groups of people. Maybe I'll never want to get a job. Maybe I'll always hate doing mundane chores like laundry and dinner and eating. Maybe I will forever analyze everything to death until it keeps me up at night so that I can't sleep.

Maybe there really isn't anything wrong with me and that's why the meds don't work, because its just who I am and you can't change who you are.

I just need someone to tell me that so I can finally throw in the towel and quit holding on to false hopes. I just need something.