Thank you for your support. No I do not have a therapist to talk to. I have seen various counsellors of different types. I was seeing one for awhile to deal with abuse/depression issues, which I found was slowly helping, but when I get back into a rut I dont care to do anything, see anyone, or talk to anyone.. it was getting hard to talk about everything and I didnt have support in the way of childcare to get there.. it seemed hopeless and as usual I gave up on myself....sometimes I feel like why do I feel this way???? so many people in the world have had worse lives... and so I dont like to feel "sorry" for myself... though I have realized that I do need help.