well idk what to think anymore. my parets believe i have it. my dad supports me. my mom F her. my sister doesnt think i have it. hm what do i think? i think i prob do. after repeated psychiatrists say i do. but do i? or do i feed their Dx they give me? i dont try to? psychiatrists are the only ones that think i have schizoaffective. therapists have more faith in me but in the end give up and agree with the psychiatrist. the pharmacy knows me so well at target because i come in for new meds every few months and they have to special order the big stuff. especially when i walk in ragged the day out of the hospital with a script that says psych hospital at the top. they know me by name...i see the looks they give me. i know they arent dumb. the pharmacist even spoke to my dad about schizophrenia. whats funny is how i went to get a med that either used for schizophrenia or extreme vomiting and she said "take your main nausea medicine" and i said "what?" and she goes "oh? is this for nausea?" i said "no?". she was new and the regulars behind the counter had to motion to her that it was for the other thing. she got all quiet.

i just dont think im depressed cause if i get depressed because a situation that shouldnt be depression. im rarely depressed for no reason. i most always have a reason. thats like the DSM was thinking of putting grief as a disorder. its natural part of life. it makes no sense. if i get bullied and am sad about that for a bit hows that depression? who wouldnt be sad for a bit. if my dad almost dies who wouldnt be sad? etc. i think my sadness is situational but i think its normal. i dont let it linger. i cant. now if someone accused me of having anger issues id say yea to that. i used to not. my anger came out in my 20s. i always suppressed it in my teens. may be why its so strong right now.