You are a survivor of abuse & it is playing havoc with your body mind & soul.Why do you want to dredge up more painful memories?Wouldn't it be better if they were allowed to remain in your unconscious?
It is just a thought.I mean instead of reverting back to an unpleasant past if you concentrate on moving ahead-as you are doing through pursuing your hobbies-will it not be a more satisfying occupation for you?You have survived bad times & that is no mean achievement.You will be happier if you bury the ghosts i think.
Look up this link if you like
http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2011/03...d-it-fast.html
Take care,all will be fine.