Not sure if I'm better or worse.

It has been 2 weeks since his "deadline" to either sign up for school or start applying for jobs. We went to T a few days before the "deadline" and she did a great job of emphasizing the importance of being fair to me. We hit the deadline and he hadn't done anything. We went back to T and agreed that the past is in the past, but what's important NOW is that he get on the stick. He said he still didn't know what he wanted to do, so we agreed that he would have 3 days to come up with a proposal -- either to continue not formally working but instead continue some of the house projects, or to come up with goals and timelines for job/school plans. Then T went on vacation. And H hasn't done anything -- in fact, he's gone back to sleeping and procrastinating.

I left the house this morning practically in tears - the kitchen was an absolute mess, even though on Sunday night it was spotless and I haven't eaten at home all week. When I walked in the door tonight after working a 10 hour day, the kitchen was still a mess and it was clear that he didn't do any of his house projects. "Ok," I thought, "maybe he's been looking for jobs or schools". But no.. he hadn't done that either. He said he slept and then couldn't figure out what he should be doing.

My parents will be here in 2 weeks. They already hate him, and they stress me out to no end about his lack of career direction. Now to make it worse, he will be unemployed with absolutely no plans. I know it's none of their business. But it either turns into nagging (which I don't need on top of everything) or is an enormous elephant in the room. Not to mention the fact that I'm worried that it has already been what, 3 months? since he was fired, and that I'm looking at another several months or years of him floundering without results.

But, we talked. I started the conversation with saying that I want to talk to him but I'd like to be able to do it without him feeling guilty and clamming up. The Wall o'Defense went up a little, but not as much as it used to, thanks to Lexapro. I explained that at work if I feel overwhelmed with too many things to do, it always helps to have my team lead prioritize my work. Well, that caused a bad reaction, because I then had to backpedal and explain that I don't consider myself to be his supervisor -- it was just an illustration. I then said that if I were at home and felt I had too much to do, I would probably ask HIM to help me prioritize, and I'd consider him to be helping me by doing so. That went over a lot better, and he said that if I'm really just trying to HELP him instead of his assumption that I was trying to boss him around, that he could see himself asking me to do that. Well of COURSE I'm trying to help him... does he not realize how frustrating it is to watch him struggle and not be allowed to help? Overall, though, it was a good conversation, and was indicative of how much better he is doing after 2 years of seeing our T and Lexapro -- the same conversation would have resulted in him going back to bed and crying/sleeping for the rest of the evening if it happened 2 years ago. So, two steps forward, one step back?

Anyway, now he's off for a bike ride with some friends. I want to scream since it doesn't make up for lost time, but on the other hand, he hasn't been sleeping well lately (most likely because he's worried) and I'd like to see him sleep through the night without waking up at 3am and pacing the house. Would be nice to wake up with my husband tomorrow morning and cuddle instead of finding him worn out and defeated looking on the basement floor

I feel so helpless...