((((Clouds)))) I can completely relate. I echo many of the other members sentiments. I have a very difficult time making friends.

One of the reasons is because I have been very depressed so the things I used to enjoy doing no longer apply. So when I am around others (for instance, at the office) I literally have nothing to contribute to the convo. How incredibly boring of me.

I also have isolated so much that it would be virtually impossible to make friends IRL. (not that I want to though because for the most part I have a very hard time trusting). It seems that things always turn into some sort of drama and gossip-fest (high school behavior that i never knew how to deal with then...and i still dont know how to now). It is a waste of time to me.

I would love to have other female friends my age, but most of them are married, have kids, are quite busy and have little time for socializing.

Also, my history is sad. Since i was 19, I've experienced one tragedy after another... the last one literally had me down for the count. I am an embarrassment to my family. And they refuse to accept my Dx because it reflects badly on them (rolling my eyes)..

Since then, I just feel as though the scales are tipped too much to the negative. I dont want to burden anyone. My family doesnt even want to hear about it. When F2 died they did not say one word to me and totally avoided me.

When I have shared even a portion of my experiences, it is just depressing to people. And i hate seeing the look of pity on their faces. Keeping them has also proven to be difficult.

My life - en toto - has consisted of a long stream of my dreams coming true, temp happiness or joy, and then immediately followed by sadness, heartbreak and tragedy. So it kind of negates the fabulous parts.

I do not have one true friend where I currently live. I have no relationship with my parents and extended family. My sister and i have not spoken in 10 years. My other sisters...one passed away, and the other two are living lives that I cannot relate to.

I had my T but she is transitioning out to go to another practice. Although, we had a great relationship, I remembered always that she was my T. Not my friend. But she did make herself avai
able to me in between sessions so I didnt feel completely alone.

I have a new T now ( T2 - a male) and he isnt available during the week at all. Except for our appt time.

SAD and GAD certainly dont help the matter either.

The reality is after all my yacking here is that I have gotten to a point to where I am too afraid to make friends and too afraid to associate with the old ones. I have changed too much. They are happily living their lives. I am a cautionary tale to them.

I hope to be a good friend here though on PC! And i feel very lucky for the members here that I have "met". Great people. For that I am grateful

Kind regards,
Rose