Thank you again for listening and offering advice - I really need someone to help point the way forward as I don't feel I'm being effective atm.

I am not on medication. My GP suggested I try an anti-psychotic to stabilise my moods a few months ago but I'm not too sure about that because it sounds quite extreme. I think I'm quite fearful of trying a medication like that with possible complications of heart problems when I'm not sure if it will help. Plus my parents researched it and they don't think it has be scientifically proven to be overly helpful, it seems more anacdotal evidence. Personally I have recently been desperate enough to contemplate it just in case it offers me some relief, but I know I shouldn't take something purely out of hopeless desperation because my expectations will be skewed.

I haven't asked my therapist about other types of therapy. I have told her that I am a layman in this area so do rely on her expertise to tell me that the type of therapy I am doing is the best treatment for me. I have progressed in this therapy, and it took I guess a year to feel we were working on the same page.

ListenMoreTalkLess - I think you are absolutely right that I am not getting the reaction that I want from her. I have been trying to figure out for a long time what would help me so I can tell her explicitly. I know I am very glad that she doesn't over-react to anything I say or do, but I guess there are times when she doesn't react enough and just lets me walk away feeling horrific, that I wish she was more active in reaching out to me. She is supportive, she lets me email her for connection between sessions and has offered me things to read...I'm not sure what that 'active reaching out' would look like. And I am aware that I am perhaps asking too much for her. I am afraid that I am too demanding!

I am going to take in those sentences you wrote out to my next therapy session because they do sum it up - I do feel like there is nothing she can do to help me...although she will probably say having this therapy space is something...I hate it when she says that because she's right it is something and I'm grateful for it, but it doesn't feel enough. I will be as direct as I possibly can talking to her, then at least I know there is nothing more I can do and that will may be help me know what to do next.

It is hard to know if I:
a) need more help atm
b) have too high expectations
c) am just in the wrong type of therapy now.
d) that this is normal and I'm just being weak/overly dramatic

Bill3 - what I know about DBT skills from the internet and the 2 chapters she gave me, it does feel challenging to do on my own. I don't know why she gave me those chapters if she never refers to them or asks how I'm going through the exercises. I expect she wants to be available to talk about what I wish too rather than getting involved in seeing what is helping and what isn't. So I can choose on my own what is helpful. ...But I would like to talk to her or someone about it because I don't always find it easy to do when I am in the middle of a 'mood' and I feel I might be doing it all wrong since it has helped so many other people. My parents want me to go through my GP and start DBT therapy so I can 'practise skills in real life slowly'....I agree although I find that slightly patronising(!) and I'm scared of being in a group because it feels very exposing...and I would be scared that the group will tell me to be different without being willing to understand that I can't/findit hard. But may be I should see if there is a waiting list I can get on for one in the future?...

Thank you again for offering a place to discuss all these issues and really over-whelming feelings.