Well i do worry about being abandoned, i worry about cheating, lies, about him being something he's not. Because ive only known terrible men, have only been involved with terrible men, have only seen terrible men, its unusual and makes me think its just too good to be true to know or be with someone as good as him, someone who isnt using or abusing me. Its hard for me to believe that a good man actually exists at all and better yet that i found one. So it causes me, when im feeling really down on myself, to look for reasons that hes just like any other man ive known. I know hes not but when i start to dislike myself i start to think something isnt right. I realize as mentioned above, its my issues but i havemt been able to fully control my feelings.

Thank you all for the replies, he and i are doing great now. I cooked and cleaned and while we were eating i apologized again, id already explained myself the night before so i just left it at im sorry. He apologized too and explained why he was upset. He holds everything in because hes afraid to stress me out. I told him not to be afraid of that but i cant blame him. My stress this past year, especially since my brother came back has been making me physically ill. Vomiting, migraines, blackouts and a couple of seizures all related to stress. I start to get sick and vomit everything i eat which causes my blood sugar to get low. I hate it and have been to the hospital for these illnesses a few times this year. For the last two years really maybe its a mental breakdown but when my stress gets high i get sick. After arguments sometimes i will black out, its been a roller coaster, especially this last year. I cant blame him for being afraid to be open with me, if it was the other way around i would never want to upset him. But t and i start stress management tomorrow, i already knew my stress is too much and i need to find a better way to handle it, with him saying hes afraid to be honest because of it just reinforces the fact that i need to get it under control