GO Rhapsody!! Family healings are soooo rare and miraculously special!!! My sister just forgave me for being born--57 years to pull that off. !!.

When she came to visit with my Mom recently, and for the first time saw who I am, how I live, etc, she was satisfied that I have suffered enough.... (she has a mean streak....) and became ok with my existance.

Many times, now that I'm older, and have met tons of people, some of whom remind me of, ahem, A-holes I have stuff with, I can get a fresh hit on why someone would become so dysfunctional. See the/my situation from a fresh, less charged perspective, and that space and information allows me to forgive the A-hole in my life.

Doesn't mean I trust them to no longet be an A-hole, but, knowing their limits and my limits and therefore being able to set my boundaries with regard to them, I can forgive and move on cognizantly.....

Some things I can forgive for 1 second and then I can't anymore. Like my father. I just can't find a place to look at him that allows me to have that sigh of relief that goes out of me when I really forgive.

I guess it's cause I can't find any justification for his behavior. You know, if somebody screws up once: hey, we all have stupid, ignorant,dumb,unthinking,angry,whatever moments in our lives. Just part of learning our boundaries. But, after once, well, I fall off the cart of easy forgiveness.......

Dad didn't just offend me once, or one way. How do I forgive an evil slime bag who started right in ripping off a brand new infant????? added torture with my years??????? tried to f'ing kill me??????? the bloody coward.

When his heart blew up at 45 and he became an invalid, it didn't cramp his sleeze...... 4 bypass surgeries and 20 years later he finally died. I visited a few months before the end. The local news ran a series on child abuse with the 6 o'clock news, which we watched while eating supper off tv trays. Mom, Dad and me.

I think it was like, day 2, after the 5 minute spot, Dad says to me,"Must be hard on the kids." I twisted my head around to almost look him in the eye and replied, "Yep."

That was our whole exchange on the whole subect.