There's something really wrong here. I think I'm going to take a break from PC for awhile, I compulsively continue coming back here hoping for happiness. It's seriously sad that this is what I have to do to fulfill myself.

I've been forgotten about. For some reason, unlike fortunate people, I have this people repellent on me. People normally attract others by their personality, and the forwardness. For some reason it's the complete opposite with me, people run away.

I've tried to be friendly with the people that live in this complex with me, but non of them are even interested in who I am, they don't even know my name.

I'm hurting so bad right now. There's no where to go, nobody to hear me. All I want is to feel happy again. That's so easily said, but to actually gain a true happiness almost seems impossible for me. I've never had true happiness.

I'm so desperate for a friend that I've been searching on sites for old friends from high school, Mingus, and in Elkhart where I grew up. I did find four girls I knew awhile back and messaged them, but none of them replied. I know they logged on and saw the message because it shows the last log on date. Hurts real bad that they won't even acknowledge me.

I'm such a %#@&#! disaster, and I'm expecting to take care of my two month nephew and my own babies for a week by myself. How?!?

Yesterday I attempted to take my babies outside and my son took off like he usually does. I chased him everywhere with my daughter in my arms, then when I did catch him he threw himself on the ground and screamed and kicked as I dragged him back to the house. I was sooooo %#@&#! mad that I threw his *** inside and told his dad to watch him. I didn't feel it would be right for me to discipline my daughter as well so I took her out.

Well I went out the back door, my husband and son went out the front, I saw them at the swings and joined them. We were there for 5 minutes and my husband said I'll be right back I'm getting a cigarette. Well he never came back, I was abandoned with my kids and I knew my son would run as soon as I let him out of his swing.

I WAS %#@&#! ABONDENED!!

God I hurt. I gotta go, for awhile, I really can't cope right now......I normally avoid depression forum because it hurts to come here. I come here when I am so %#@&#! desperate........and I'm ignored. Only a few have had compassion for me, for them I am grateful, but I am still angered by the fact that I have been completely forgotten. Desirae has no sadness......she's a %#@&#! numb case.

I'M FAKE......who cares anymore, I'll pretend to be happy, loving, and %#@&#! institutionalized but the truth is I'm a %#@&#! puppet.

Okay, this has exhausted me. Bye all for now. Please forgive me for this.