If both people are grown and interact that way, think it is normal and good, then not much someone else can say or do. I can see why your wife would be your ex :-) but it does not sound like she gets it or cares to. Sounds a bit too enmeshed/co-dependent to me. I feel badly the daughter does not seem to have been taught how to engage in her own life and value herself, not need her mother's approval for everything.