Okay so first off I wanna let you know you aren't alone.. Although I dont have a "fear" of police I do worry/get nervous when I see em & do my best to avoid em.. part of me gets angry bc I feel like some of em are out to get us purposefully (especially due to racial issues concerning my husband).. & 2ndly bc Ive experienced alot of injustice but the funny thing is Ive also met a couple nice ones.. For instance- One night my mom had her friends over & they had been drinking my sis went to go pee & heard noises (she was 14-15) but she went to go check it out & saw my moms friends (a woman & man) doing something inappropriate on our pull out couch bed.. they didnt even notice her walk in but she was traumatized so she came in my room & told me.. I was angry that my mom brought them to our home & that she wasnt thinking about her kids (Although Im 2 yrs older than my sis I have a brother thats 11 yrs younger than me) so we snuck out my window & started walkin around the neighborhood it was prolly 3am & we saw a police car coming & my sis had cigs she had taken from my mom that she threw behind someones shed but even though we tried hiding from the policeman he had already seen us so we looked suspicious & he shined his lite on us & so I finally told her we better stop hiding.. & come out or he may try to chase us or worse so we came out & he simply asked what we were doing out so late.. we told him the truth & he asked if my sis still needed to pee she could use the bathroom at the station which was on the next block we graciously declined but he said that it wasnt safe (even behind a police station) for us to be out so late at night & that we needed to go home.. I explained that we wanted nothin to do with our mom or having to knock on the door but he was ok with us sneaking back in our window just as long as he witnessed us doing it.. & so it was.. but about a yr ago I was pulled over @ 7am bc I was going to pick up breakfast but stopped by the post office first & I was unfamiliar with the area so it took me a second to realize that once I pulled out of the parking lot I was going the wrong way on a one way (street) the only car that witnessed me happened to be an undercover police car & I explained that I realized once I saw the backwards sign I was going the wrong way but the street I had come on to get there was a 2 way & he believed me & said since nobody was out that he was just going to give me a warning.. that was until he ran my license & apparently the system said it was suspended & he told me that he would not only have to issue me the ticket but also have to take me to jail.. I hoped he was joking bc I had a newborn girl & our son at home as well my niece had stayed the night & they were waiting for me to come home with breakfast & I argued with him that no way my license was suspended but he said it was & to call someone if I didnt want my car to be impounded my husband didnt answer so I had to call my mom who lived out of town & cry to her & let her know what was going on this wasnt the 1st time I had been arrested I was actually arrested about 5 yrs ago bc I fell behind a month or so on a ticket payment plan (I had drove my moms car to go get some donuts (a pattern huh?) & her tags were out & the cop pulled me over right in front of her house (the downside of living by the police I guess).. anyways the 1st time I was arrested they came & picked me up at my job when I was 9 months preg with my son.. I was scared & crying & humilated all for an expired tag but I wasnt there long.. my mom picked me up & I didnt have to see a judge or anything.. however the 2nd (last time last yr) they booked me & charged me DWL & issued me the citation as well as made me see the judge who set my bond at 1000 so my husband immediately found a bondsman however I was still in a cell for a good 8 hrs.. after coughing up 175 for the bondsman/ & paying the ticket which was around 250 & spending 9 hours in handcuffs/cop car/processing/cell/judge/etc my whole saturday was gone we had to go out of town to my moms to get the kids.. & I was depressed that 450 was down the drain.. I called DPS that monday & after waiting 2 hrs on hold someone verified my license was in fact valid & there had been an error made.. I not only spent time shacked up in a cell with a racist heroin addict who wouldnt shut up (I wanted to kick her butt bc of her ignorance) but my whole day was wasted/ I wasnt paid back for the bond $ & that ticket that was going to be a warning was issued for the wrong reason (even though that was my fault!).. none of this would have happened if the system didnt have that error.. however I still had to go to court a month later to present my case & show proof (a letter they sent in the mail) validating the error.. I am still worried a yr later that something like this could happen again to me or someone else!.. It was VERY frustrating..

As far as your DX I can really relate to some of that.. I was dx w/ anxiety & depression back in 2007 right after I had my son.. & they had started me off on different antideps & klonopin.. after awhile I decided I didnt wanna deal with pills that was until I got pregnant the 2nd (last) time.. I knew I was already feelin suicidal so I needed help to manage my emotions that wouldnt harm the baby.. I got on wellbutrin & buspar I have been on Buspar twice long term within the last 5 yrs & although I have nausea when starting it I NEVER saw a difference between bein on it or off it.. I have taken several antideps & only Pristiq has shown promise but I cant really afford it so Im sufferin w/ lexapro.. Ive considered Seroquel for my anxiety/mood but Ive heard how it causes weight gain.. I was dx with ADHD last april but I KNOW for a fact that there is more yet to be dx bc of the lack of help my antidep/klonopin/Adderall plus 14 yrs of counseling (since I was 11) has been.. I also believe strongly in BPD bc every single symptom describes me (most currently, but a couple in my past).. I have found that even the therapist I love & trust & takes me seriously doesnt completely brush off my concerns however the lack of knowledge regarding BPD with many psychs makes them weary or skeptical of such a "wide & varied" diagnosis.. Most therapists arent trained in DBT so they lack the skills to even help BPD patients so may discredit them bc they cant help w/ something they arent trained or knowledgeable about.. I have the list of symptoms & an explanation on why each has/still fits me.. so theres no doubt my paranoia/hypochondria isnt warranted bc I have a pretty valid argument but such an argument is rendered useless to those who don't believe in it.. just as a Christian & an atheist may never come to an agreement or compromise no matter what proof or credit the other has.. BPD is said to be so controversial that many drs just steer clear from it thus not acknowledging its existence. Though BPD has really been an eye opener for me & has given me hope I am also a bit hesitant bc it is considered a "personality disorder" so many treatment facilities & practitioners do not treat such disorders while they almost all treat BiPolar.. which is a mood disorder.. Here lies my problem.. My younger brother (almost 14) was diagnosed with severe mood disorder/adhd/defiant disorder about 4 yrs ago after failing 3 grades in a row & I grew up with an abusive & alcoholic father so I pretty much started seeing a counselor on my own w/o ever disclosing my truth afraid of repercussions of being taken away or split up etc.. so I pretty much acted up in school hoping that people would be able to read me enough to know something was wrong but nobody ever did instead I remember a dr making things worse & another dr telling me when I was around 12-13 that he recommended I be tested for ADHD bc I couldnt stop fidgeting/moving my legs & seemed very restless & couldnt hold convos w/o becoming distracted by everything but I never thought that anything like that was wrong with me & all I knew back then were alot of parents were giving their kids Ritalin like it was candy & didnt want nothing to do w/ zombie drugs or havin a label other than the problems I already had.. but when my brother was diagnosed I thought maybe this WAS my problem.. however when looking for symptoms I found out how identical ADHD/Bipolar symptoms are.. so then I became confused again.. I kept thinkin is it my attention or my mood thats the problem? I definately have a problem with getting distracted not finishing tasks, etc but what most affects my life & relationships are my mood swings.. ADHD can cause mood swings but Ive now been on adderall for over a yr & even though I notice a little bit more energy & every once in awhile my motivation will be up slightly I also fear that this wasnt the correct route bc my irritability & patience has only gotten worse. My primary concern has always been my husband & kids & me not being "moody/mad/aggravated" ALL the time.. I am extremely hypersensitive to sounds/touches/etc & the littlest things set me off.. It makes me feel like a horrible person/mother/wife.. But it makes me questions everything.. Am I Bipolar? am I BPD? or ADHD? or all 3?!! After all the research medication changes/self help/etc I am still confused as ever & am just ready for the next stage but how can we begin to heal if we do not know what to "truly" treat? The only thing that doesnt fit me for being bipolar is consistancy.. They say it goes in cycles but I am not sure mine do.. my moods change throughout the day but mainly from depressed to angry/overstimulated.. I havent felt calm sense before I had kids.. Im always overwhelmed, & completely stressed & worried. I also do not feel like I am on top of the world to much I mainly feel a sense of guilt/shame/anger/hopeless/helplessness which are all typical of depression.. Why does life have to be so dang complicated?! lol