((((LMo))))) you must know by now that I care about you. Please keep this is mind when you read this, I'm on your side, remember?

From what I read you feel this is salvagable, though difficult. I agree.

Marriage is in sickness and in health. It's unfortunate when both are suffering in some way

Exercise is good for him, and will help alleviate some depression, don't beat him up over it..it's better than only moping and sleeping

Maybe it's time to increase his Lexapro, or try a different medicine. To me, he is still in the grips of depression. That your T continues to urge him to make a plan, and yet seems unable to realize that he is unable to, concerns me. Positive thinking is good, but going over the same thing, getting the same guilty but wishful thinking response, and expecting different, doesn't get anyone anywhere imo. It adds to his guilt, imo.

Time to build the man up, talk openly about how the depression is trying to control him and he has to keep battling it when he can, in his mind. Depression tells us lies, makes us feel worthless. Go back to the baby steps of coping (both of you) and begin again perhaps? Medical depression needs medicine imo, and gently encouragement until the thinking begins to clear. No matter how much he wants to inside, depression keeps him from even believing he wants to...

Now for yourself, try not to take all the guff personally. Your spouse is ill. Don't casually buy into the lie of laziness regardless of your relative's opinions. You are not them, nor what they think, and neither is your spouse.

You are doing a good job, imo. Keep working, and do feel good about yourself that you have this to do, and can support your needs for now. This is a wonderful aspect of your story! Don't feel used, if you can. If you were both in a financial fix and your spouse was unable to work, wouldn't you be willing to work to help out? Of course! This is no different, imo.

Take care of yourself... distance yourself from your spouse's problems (I know this is difficult as you are involved but..hopefully you will see the perspective I'm trying to get you to see..) realize you are still functioning and valuable and worthy and all those things...you are no less diminished because of your spouse's illness. Be who YOU are, regardless.