I got back together with him. I missed him and thought I made a mistake. What an idiot. Now, a week later, I'm regretting my decision. I feel like I am back to square one. Yesterday he was short with me bc he was having a bad day and I finally told him its not working for me. After I agreed to give it another shot.

I told him its not working for me. I don't love him as much as I should. He deserves better. He feels it's punishment for him being moody yesterday but I told him its more than that. It's that I miss him and then other times I don't. I don't want toe in a relationship I don't think.

He also thinks its because I upped my meds. Like that would mess with my decision making? Idk. I am trying to be clear with my words this time and saying yea, it is over. No, u didn't do anything. I feel like that will help him get on quicker and it's better to be clear with my feelings than leave them open to interpretation. Right?

Geeze, I still feel horrible. What do I do to move on? I've asked this a gazillion times, but I need some support. I now have the evening to do nothing but wallow. I broke up with him and it was the right decision, but I still broke his heart. I feel like a horrible person. I absolutely hate myself and I even hate myself for hating myself if that makes any sense!

I do have a counselor appt on Monday.

Do I just cry it out? Do I walk the dogs or go to the gym? Take a shower and try and clean it off? Idk, I just want to move on already.