ya know the other day after something happened at my work and i got into the down wards thinking pattern that -- the world is evil- you can try all the hard that you can, you can do what you do and there is always someone waiting around the corner to **** with you or up or **** you over.... people use, abuse, and go on with a care... and who gets hurt-- everyone.

I reminded my self, and I am sorry if this is selfish to some-- but it does comes down to me I have to live with me so ask myself some questions-- do I try? am I doing what I need for me?, am I trying to make "MY WORLD" no matter how little it is, ok? can I look at myself in the mirror - this may not be "totally liking me, but is being able to live with me.

--I Remind myself that not all is evil-- remind myself that not all is good and don't expect it to-- remind myself that not everyone is going to get along, like me, me like them, and some just lack respect of common humanity-- and those to which are not really my problem- I personally do have to learn to some how let go, roll off and continue (i.e. cope with). To those which are my problems, i need to work on for me- NO one else.

Ya know I wonder at times, is it really worth taking a life time of having so much pain that ranges from different things for me-- or could I opt out (as one friend of mine did about 3 years ago) which then I am just giving others pain to even if I may not want to accept that. Yeah society as a whole does *NOT care that he is gone, but I do.

--- I have to remember I have had joy at some points of my life as well, some will return if I allow them to-- Some times it is good to take a look in the memory bank and realize that. Point of views and not looking so down can help a lot- it can be hard at times, and no I am not saying this just "clicks for me" all the time- some times it can drag me down for a while more than a day, week, months; other times I am quicker to get back up from it.

Be well- Hope better days are your way.