Even the thought of that night makes me freeze. Anytime someone even asks me a question about , I think about what I want to say, but it won't come out. I start feel really bad like I am sick, and then sadness, and then same thoughts pop in my head over and over again, that what did I do wrong? Why did he do that to me? What did I do to make him do it? Then I start thinking about that night and starts replay in my head and feel like I am back there and I become paralyzed with fear and just can't move or speak like in a trance until my therapist pulls me out of it. It happens every time, even at the thought of it or even f I see something that reminds me of that night, like a certain food or something. I just go into kind of trance where I can't do anything, just scared and lonely and thinking what did I do wrong? Why did he do that to me? I want so bad to put that night behind me or be able to see something that reminds of it and not want to break down.