I used to think I was ready for kids. Then I started to realize all my issues. I am extremely hesitant now, and if it were left up to me I might just have furry kids the rest of my life instead of human ones. My husband wasn't ready when I was a long time ago, but of course now he is. I asked him one day if he really wanted kids and he said that yes he would like to. I didn't reveal that I am extremely hesitant now. Now I'm scared and I'm wondering if my hesitation is a gut instinct that I should listen to. I'm so effed up and it seems to get worse every day. I can't predict the future and know that I won't be a hot mess all the time. I know I should tell him , but I don't want him to tell me we don't have to have kids to make me feel better, when he really wants them deep down. I don't want him to have to sacrifice that. I feel like maybe I should toughen up and do it for both of us.
I KNOW I will parent so differently from my parents. I really hope I don't screw them up. My folks screwed me up and I plan to be the opposite of them, so I think my kids will be good. I feel so strongly about doing certain things opposite or different than mine did.

Doc