Hi

I've been in recovery for a few months now, but I'm starting to waver and get back into the ED mindset, and the scary thing is I know it's bad, but I still want it.

Does anyone have tips for eating and telling yourself it's okay? I had breakfast but I've put on a lot of weight in the last few months and I keep thinking I should eat less, I should just eat one meal a day slowly because that way I'll stay fine and lose weight but I know that it will hurt my body and slow my metabolism.

How do you deal with it? I still have my shorts from last year, and now that it's summer it's depressing me I can't fit in them. Even though when I could I was miserable and my hair was falling out and I had no energy and possible heart problems and I looked so unhealthy.

And even though I know that logically, I still keep thinking if only I could achieve that weight again, I'd be okay. But I know if I try it will be bad, and I'll never be happy.

Any advice?