Hmm I don't know...I don't feel like its really my choice how I feel. I mean no matter how much I try and look at the bright side its like there just isn't one. I mean even the good things in my life are just overshadowed by the negative environment society is and the mental issues I have.

I mean what is there in myself to even invest in? living so I don't hurt others by ending it I guess it's just hard trying to find a reason to even want to strive for anything when I feel so dead inside. I mean I don't think I allowed the despair I think it was more of a natural reaction to what my life has been and how I feel.