I wish I had some advice for you that would be helpful!!! I just take it one day at a time; some days are definitely better than others, as with any disease/addiction.
The recovery road is long and hard, and I have been on it for about 10 years now, with all the bumps and interruptions along the way.

The thoughts don't really leave for me, but I try to think of all the things I couldn't do when I was too sick...No energy, couldn't run, hated going places, couldn't sleep, fainting, etc...(you get the picture)

I also have kids now, and I try to remind myself that I don't want them to see me struggling with an ED (physically I am ok, inside still hurts sometimes)...and that I need to be healthy for them.
I hope that something in here helped, if not, I am sorry. I just send you hugs and hopes that you continue on the path of wellness.

Please keep us posted, and good for you for realizing the path back to the ED is not a healthy one.