ummm, hope it's ok for me to reply!!!
I am someone who has SIed for over 10yrs, and I am also someone who is totally embarrassed by and ashamed of my scars (of which I have MANY, all over my body). For the times that I manage not to SI, my main motivation is the scars that are caused. Any form of distraction is good, from wandering round the house to going out for a walk to coming here to PC to journalling- I find the stickys on this forum really helpful. Sorry to hear things are so hard for you at the mo . Hope you TC and that things can get better for you really quickly
xxx irish