Thanks for the replies, you're right amandalouise and remarkably clear minded, I think I mean dissociation but I wonder is that my unconscious trying to tell me something. Anyway to clear up any confusion I have a personality disorder. I felt I had an epiphany of sorts today, where I was being pulled into reality which is ok. Im very grateful to people, to God, everything to be here. So to be honest, it feels like Im being woken up from the dead, when Im pulled into this reality, its not a quick process but very drawn out and I never stay in this world. So Im walking about in a hypnosis, a shadow of the person I was. I think my humanity was so fragmented that most of it disintergrated with the personality that was me. That's the truth of the suffering I went through that the heavens (that's a joke) cannot deny. I was very sensitive. Its ok in a way as I appreciate that beauty is nothing to do with human perception, but there is beauty in the solar system, if you want to call it that. As for persoanlity I think I impersonate people that Ive watched on tv, historical people, actresses but not consciously, I think thats how my brain lives. Would I like to be normal, everyone is conformed to stereotype, even when we think we are individual. Im still grateful, but I dont like this world that I live in, and to tell you the truth it doesnt feel like a beautiful place at all but part of the illusion that is real. Im a bit upset as Im tired.
mala