Hi justalittleunwell,

Your story sounds like my early marriage. I am the sex addict though and you are where my wife was. I spent long hours in the bathroom looking at porn on a laptop and finding any and every way to get more. My wife had many long conversations with me and wrote many letters where I responded in similar fashion. I had nothing to say to her, she was "just jealous and insecure".

You need to realize you can't control him. You are not able to change him. The only thing that will make him want to change is when he gets to the point his addiction is causing him more pain than it is relieving.

Neither of you are emotionally healthy enough for a relationship right now. Just so you don't feel judged, I'm not either. Maybe a break from him is in order? Perhaps call off the wedding? Those things are up to you though. I know you love him, but he is hurting you more than he is helping you right now. It's hard to be alone but is being alone worse than being emotionally abused?

For real help, I would recommend getting in touch with S-Anon. It is a group for the wives and loved ones of sex addicts. They have all been where you are to some degree or another, they understand exactly how you feel and know far better than I do how to help you.

The odds are against him giving up pornography in the near future. If you separate from him, he will try to lie to you and lure you back in with false promises. I'm not sure how you can tell whether he's being honest with you or not, but don't believe him just because you want to believe him. Addicts are liars at our core.