Hiya

Am so glad you got away!
I have no idea if he had some of psychological disorder, but I could say that anyone being so consistent with their cruel games has to have some kind of disorder.. My friends first husband was like this - she worked shifts and he'd hide alarm clocks around the house at different times to keep waking her up, sold her beloved piano - the only thing she cherished etc.

I think that you've been through a heck of a time, and its not really a shock that you still think about him. There's so much to think about, the cruel, odd behaviour, but also the thought that its the end of hopes and dreams of a lovely life together, something we always hope for when get married. I think its natural to spend some time thinking about him and you, but I also hope you think that you had a lucky escape - he didnt sound very worthy of you, to say the least.

I hope you have a network of friends and family you can talk and lean on..

I wish you all the best x