i go through fluctuations of being shy and not. I'm really getting better at not being shy i just need help w this?

whenever i start to show social anxiety and awkwardness people treat me really differently
and they want to think I'm mean or something (they hint at it that I'm probably mean)

which I'm not I'm just not so good at opening up really fast. maybe before i was really happy and outgoing and then i kind of start feeling extreme shyness again, maybe depressed over work. maybe i really want to open up but i feel like people will ridicule me if i tell them I'm depressed and have social anxiety and everything stresses me out. i don't think people want to know me for reals...Also my JOB if anything makes me stressed out not people. i am not a drama ***** or anything. i wish my new girlfriends would trust me (i just moved)

why should i give them that kind of information when it just makes me a downer
i mean people want to know me i guess, maybe i talk too much and don't listen i don't know
i thought i did i always try to be interested in everybody but nobody ever tells me if I'm not doing it enough

lemme know? I'm confused...