((LikeWater)) Many many soft gentle hugs your way and well thoughts... I dont have much to say besides my heart does go out to you as well. I am sorry to read your news. Many hugs to you.
Suicide is very confusing (or at least for me, and in many ways it is) or like CatGoesMeow says- hardest types of grief. I am sorry that you have to go through this.