I spoke to my therapist about how I was feeling and she said that in outpatient therapy it is expected that a person is able to cope with therapy. She said she would be willing to talk about it if I want to change therapists (I've talked about this with her quite a lot before) but I think knowing me so well she challenged me to think if I felt that going somewhere else I would be different and any less resistant to therapy especially a type of therapy with 'homework'. I had to agree with her that I likely wouldn't be any different because actually it is a big deal to me that she seems to like me and hasn't rejected me despite me being a royal pain in the arse sometimes! That is rare for me! Plus I can be incrediably stubborn and as much as I want an instruction booklet to get better, there is also a part of me that would probably tear it to shreads if I was given it.

I need to confront the part of me that seems to be getting something out of being depressed, withdrawn and not wanting to make healthy/wise choices. I am not acting this out in any conscious way because I desperately want out of the pain, and I hate it whenever my therapist tells me I'm being resistant because to me I hear it as 'you are not good enough' 'you are being too difficult'...but I guess I need to admit some masochistic part of me is getting something out of all of this. I have no idea how to figure out what it is though, and it is difficult to talk this through with my therapist because the very nature of it wants to avoid being exposed!

Bill3 - thank you for your reply. It was very useful and helpful to understand a bit more about DBT. I think there are skills within it that could be very useful for me too. I have been reading about mindfulness and trying to put it into practise but I'm not always that successful. I think the next time I see my GP I may ask abit more about it and if there are any groups in my area.