Rainbow, I decided to make a chart with three columns: T as my T, T as the adult's mom, and T as the child's mom. I wrote down all kinds of things like amount of contact (emails, phone calls, and in-person time -- 3 separate rows), hugs/touching, topics of conversations, and conflict/conflict resolution. What I learned from this exercise is that the first two columns were actually quite similar. My T does mother me within healthy boundaries. Looking at the third column I realized just how impossible this would be and it was silly for me to even think that it could work. She cannot/doesn't provide food and shelter for me, unlimited hugs and "I love yous" really are only for children, someone ALWAYS being there just isn't realistic. Perhaps you could do a similar type exercise?