**Possible trigger, sui, mentioned**
I get it, sugahorse. I am there sometimes myself, and it is a very hard habit to break. Currently, I am working with my t in order to stop these behaviors. I have also "come out", so to speak, and told a two very good friends. Before this, no one knew and it has been going on for a long time.
The thing that is working for me is now having to be accountable to my t and friends. It is one thing to post online, but it is another to talk face-to-face with people who care.
Btw, the two friends I told have dealt directly with sui. One tried to commit sui. with meds, and the other lost her husband to sui. Since I have included them in my world, I feel especially sensitive to hurting them through my actions.
As my t says, be safe. Don't drink.