I keep having somatic body memories. I have one particular where I am so cold that I can pile on tons of blankets and I am so cold that my entire body aches from shivvering so hard. It's like that feeling right before you get the flu and you're like cold down to the bone. I used to think I was getting the flu, constantly. But then when it came down to it, I learned to realize it was somatic. I ran no fever and I never ended up sick, ever. And my doctor said tests all came back fine (lyme disease, etc). Well tonight it's starting again. My entire body is aching and I am shivvering like crazy. It keeps me up the entire night and it sets off like these weird sleep episodes where I am like stuck inside my head and I can't move my body and my parts are talking between each other, but when I get out of it, I can't remember what they said. I just know they were talking. And that it's about important stuff. And I feel left out that I have no idea what it was.

I sort of feel airy lately. Like I'm walking on air... it feels numbing. My system has pretty much shut me down to knowing anything at all. I have no therapist currently and in general I am unsafe in my current state of being so powerful parts have had to use a lot of energy to shut me down.