Pre-qualifier:

* I am not suicidal
* not consciously into self-harm
* not into violence at all and don't even watch gratuitous blood/guts/gory/scary movies
* still deeply respect and care for the other person in this dream
* cannot imagine where this stems from:

Dream: Having been in a relationship struggling with incredible ups and terrible lows for over a year, one afternoon there was a dream in which I begged the (now ex) boyfriend to mutilate me with a chainsaw. There was no argument as a precursor. There wasn't anything leading up to the violence - just me outside handing him a chainsaw and calmly, persistently begging him to cut me up in as many small pieces as possible and toss me into a nearby lake like chum. Then it was over as abruptly as it began and I woke up wondering what was THAT about!!!

After and since:

* Did not tell him anything about this dream because it is so disturbing.
* He has TBI, yet successfully copes with a very stressful job.
* He has never been violent toward me and has a gentle nature when not aggitated.
* Soon after this dream we had an argument at which point I initiated our breakup and made plans to relocate from the midwest to the west coast, mostly because the dream has stuck with me almost daily and I cannot get far enough away from it no matter how much I change my environment.
* I have not yet told my counselor about the dream because 1) I ended our reationship, and 2) VA hospitals are more likely than not to lock someone up when they tell them about something like this because they want to be on the safe side of making those types of decisions.

There. Even if no one responds I put it in writing in a public place, right? What weirdness.