You will get there. I wasn't always this honest. What got me there was that I wanted to have a child and if I didn't take care of my eating disorder then I would not have been able to carry my child for 40 weeks of pregnancy. So when my child father and I were planning my child one of the things on my list of necessities was being in touch with a county nurse / nutricionalist, the WIC program and frequently saw my physician for blood work and so on to ensure all my counts were up where it was safe for my child to grow. 9 months of holding myself accountable and all the care and planning that went into insuring my childs wellbeing while we shared this body became habit. That doesn't mean I don't slip back into that thinking ever once and a while but the one thing I don't do is hide it anymore. As a matter of fact I started slipping back into that frame of mind two weeks ago. I had gone a couple days of only eating once a day when I found myself in therapy and somehow the topic of eating came up. I don't know exactly how it came up I just know that things have been here there and everywhere to the point where I was doing alot of daytime sleeping and up at night and so my eating schedule it totally off and then sitting in therapy working on my art project and I admitted to my therapist I have been eating only once a day lately. Well just telling her that made me want to hold myself accountable and so I found some scales and weighed myself and found I had gained 20 pounds this winter. Im not too worried about it, I always gain anywhere between 10-30 pounds in the winter anyway because I am less active during the rainy season. I pulled out my Diabetic 2 diet plan and sat down and made my menu for the month for nine meals a day. for the past week I have been back on my diet of eating 9 times a day and 64 ounces of water a day for the past two weeks and biking for a half hour a day trying to work back up to my hour a day biking (or walking) schedule and have lost 5 pounds.

I know that if I had not told my therapist that I was only eating once a day two weeks ago I probably would have continued to only eat once a day. I know my therapist isn't going to rag on me about it. She's not that way.

Anyway one day you will find that something that says its time to stop not just of one hour and so on but forever.

Hang in there