xrainstorm,

I never experienced depression to the point where it controlled my life until I was 41 & it was a situational experience that started it. From that point, I was on medical leave of absense & then on to disability. I went through some really horrible times where suicidal feelings were on the top of my list. That passed after about 5 years & then came so many other horrible reactions to medications & migraines that just wouldn't go away. (I think that the OD's might have caused some chemical imbalance in the brain causing the migraines).

I was actually doing much better for several years & felt so much better that I thought I could go back to college & choose a different career after being an aerospace engineer for 15 years. On top of that, I have gotten involved with my horses & training for my dressage riding along with breeding. Then hit a trauma just 1 1/2 years ago which living through really set me off & the symptoms of PTSD became horrible to live with. I am having a horrible time with the nightmares & flashbacks that hit with the smallest trigger.

Just lately, I needed a letter from my pdoc in order to qualify for a lower electric bill rate because of being on disability. He had to tell them what was going on & that was when I found out that the basic DX is chronic clinical depression & that my disability is expected to continue indefinitely.

To be honest, it seems like the anxiety attacks are the worse part of what I am dealing with now & the PTSD symptoms have taken over, but. The depression has taken a back seat to my other problem. I am not sure that we can "beat it", but it seems with alot of self control, that we can lessen how bad we feel. It seems to me it is like a roller coaster ride with it's ups & downs (not bipolar), just times when we can actually feel better & accomplish things for awhile until something hits us again. To me, it seems like once I experieced anxiety & depression, I can make it go away completely......but even feeling better for awhile & becoming more capable of doing things again is a great feeling.

Of course, my Dx was from a situational experience & not necessarily a chemical imbalance from birth....I don't know how the difference works but I was greatful for the period of time that I actually felt better & hope that I can have a similar experience in the future.

My hopes are for you to feel some relief in your future also,
Debbie