I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only offer hugs, and the thoughts that you are trying to change/ or have changed now. It sounds like you have changed. I only hope that as things get reviewed for you (the criminal charge stuff) that those people take into account that you are a different person now and truly regret what happened. Hopefully they will realize that you were not acting out on purpose, sometimes our minds do weird out of character things.

I know what you are going through. i lost my kids for a couple years due to some pretty stupid things that I did caused by me going off my meds (not saying the things you did were stupid, just mine) and i still feel the repercussions of what I did today. They are back in my life now, which is good, but solost, I totally feel you. I hope that everything works out for you...and pc is a good place to let out your fears and frustrations. There are a lot of good people out here. Keep us posted.