Hello, Solost888! Wow. In addition to coming to terms with bipolar, I think you could use some practical counseling regarding the whole of the situation you've described so well. I see posters have offered you some good ideas in the Bipolar Forum.
2-1-1 (United Way/AIRS)
might be a resource for you as well.
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My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.