It's funny, whenever I actually get talkative, it seems no one else is around. :P
Yeah I tend to get really aggressive too. I'm usually not a very aggressive person; generally keep a very calm composure. But it's like something totally snaps & I have to do everything NOW & at the expense of everything or everyone else. Usually I can keep myself from being impulsive, manipulative for no reason, or otherwise unpleasant. It's funny to recall after the fact, but usually pretty maddening... But yeah, I can't honestly say I'd rather have one or the other myself. Be ragingly pissed all of the time to the point that it borders on combustion or just sit everyday doing absolutely nothing & being absolutely bored out of my skull?

That's the point where things really suck! When things become clear not only to yourself, but the people around you, that there's no other excuse. It's like everyone expects you to be suddenly a totally different person now that you don't have yourself pumped full of substances. Granted... Some people are? But I think that's an unfair judgement. Most people who escape reality have some sort of pathological reason behind it.

They never had the balls to tell me my diagnosis. In highschool, I got to look through some of my records from elementary school in order to fill out a scholarship application... When the receptionist left, I pulled out a couple more folders & found stuff from when I had to see the school psychologist after acting out too much! Those were fun to look through. It wasn't an actual diagnosis, but it was theorised & it seems to make sense in hindsight.
Ooooh, both my Mum & Dad were Bipolar I, so there were a bunch of mixed messages. My Dad was a narcissist & I think my Mum is histrionic. They were abusive, but then thought I was the best thing to ever happen to the world. Then they blamed me for **** that I obviously had nothing to do with, then said I was the favourite child. I also wonder if being chronically enforced with messages that I don't care about others' had anything to do with my current programming or if it was the truth.

****, I'd have a coffee IV if it would taste as good! Hahaha