My mom recently began seeing a therapist. We were all relieved to hear this - let's just say that my mom has "issues." She has severe body dysmorphic disorder, depression, anxiety, and anger issues. Of all of these, the BDD is of the most interest to me. This is because it has affected me so negatively, in ways that, I realize, she never intended and never imagined. As a kid growing up, my mom was always dieting, and always criticizing herself about her weight. She was always comparing herself to other women, and she was extremely critical of me, as well (I was definitely not a skinny kid). To make things worse, my father has very little willpower or self-control when it comes to eating and drinking. The upshot was that I was raised in a house where someone was either living solely on Diet Coke and sugarfree gum, or pigging out like there was no tomorrow. Some might think that this combination would cancel out - actually, it made me really, REALLY confused. As an adolescent, I became very depressed and had anorexic tendencies, because that was the only method I knew of for expressing misery. As I got older, I experienced a lot more issues with body image and accepting my body - and I have to say, these issues are still far from resolved. Even to this day, my mom will say infuriating things like, "You only ate one piece? Oh my God, I feel so horrible, since i ate two!" or "I really feel fat after eating that pudding," and she's saying this to her 220-pound daughter. I don't want to be nosy or invade her privacy, but I have asked how the discussions about her BDD have been going. "Not well," she replies. I don't mean to be out of line, but frankly, I'm feeling some anger and exasperation towards her. She knows the impact that her problems have had on me, she knows she needs to resolve this. I understand it won't happen overnight, but I honestly feel as though she isn't even trying. Because of her example, I can't look in the mirror today without feeling miserable. I feel like I can't measure up, like I'm some fat slob who just happens to be her daughter. I want her to accept me, but I feel like she never will unless I'm rail thin. It has even affected my weight loss strategies, because (and I know this is wrong) I realize now that I might be sabotaging my progress because I don't want to be a thin but horrible and judgmental person like her. Logically, of course I realize that "thin" doesn't automatically equate to being "horrible and judgmental." Psychologically, however, I fear that it's a different story. The only positive thing I can say that has come out of this is that, if I ever have children, I will NEVER do what she did. Maybe I'm doomed to be unhappy about myself, but my hypothetical kids certainly aren't. I wish I knew how to resolve this, but I can't figure out a solution. In all the years that I tried to lose weight, my mom would make insensitive remarks all the time, and my dad would just laugh at me. Consequently, I feel very alone and isolated regarding this issue. Sorry, I don't want this to be a pity story (honestly). It's what happens after a phone chat with my mom...