...I am these days but I have to be really careful with it. I can go for weeks and sometimes months without a drop and did so recently but decided I need something to slow me down at times.

alcohol is not the best choice but it's all I trust and just barely, and I am determined to manage it somehow.

have to be so mindful of what it can do to me when I have lost control in the past.

someone wrote something about bipolar and alcohol and avoiding it completely to keep stable and that haunts me a bit, but I have always done what I wanted or needed at the time.