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Originally Posted by Shayatanica
It's funny, whenever I actually get talkative, it seems no one else is around. :P
Yeah I tend to get really aggressive too. I'm usually not a very aggressive person; generally keep a very calm composure. But it's like something totally snaps & I have to do everything NOW & at the expense of everything or everyone else. Usually I can keep myself from being impulsive, manipulative for no reason, or otherwise unpleasant. It's funny to recall after the fact, but usually pretty maddening... But yeah, I can't honestly say I'd rather have one or the other myself. Be ragingly pissed all of the time to the point that it borders on combustion or just sit everyday doing absolutely nothing & being absolutely bored out of my skull?
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I completely understand about the impulsive "snapping" bit. I seriously thought I might have that Intermittent Explosive Anger thing, but it's apparently more than that. Then, I thought maybe it was just a horrible bout of PMS - except I can snap at any time. The rage thing was all I went to therapy for originally. Guess it's a good thing. At least I can get meds now that mellow me a bit. The depressive phase is just torturous though... I find myself going to bed early just to end the boring day already. LOL
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Originally Posted by Shayatanica
That's the point where things really suck! When things become clear not only to yourself, but the people around you, that there's no other excuse. It's like everyone expects you to be suddenly a totally different person now that you don't have yourself pumped full of substances. Granted... Some people are? But I think that's an unfair judgement. Most people who escape reality have some sort of pathological reason behind it.
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Could not agree more w/this!! I was guilty of that thinking, too. I really thought a lot of my issues would have subsided after I stopped using/drinking. Nope. They actually got worse. I felt completely nuts! Especially since I can now remember all the stupid/crazy things I do when I get upset. I honestly have no clue what other people expected of me, though...
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Originally Posted by Shayatanica
They never had the balls to tell me my diagnosis. In highschool, I got to look through some of my records from elementary school in order to fill out a scholarship application... When the receptionist left, I pulled out a couple more folders & found stuff from when I had to see the school psychologist after acting out too much! Those were fun to look through. It wasn't an actual diagnosis, but it was theorised & it seems to make sense in hindsight.
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I'm really curious now what my youth files contain! Wonder if there's any way to demand them since I'm an adult now... Would be a very fun read.
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Originally Posted by Shayatanica
Ooooh, both my Mum & Dad were Bipolar I, so there were a bunch of mixed messages. My Dad was a narcissist & I think my Mum is histrionic. They were abusive, but then thought I was the best thing to ever happen to the world. Then they blamed me for **** that I obviously had nothing to do with, then said I was the favourite child. I also wonder if being chronically enforced with messages that I don't care about others' had anything to do with my current programming or if it was the truth.  |
Both parents bipolar?! Wow... I guess your chances were pretty high of getting it too. I'm pretty sure my mom is bipolar (or something) but she would never admit she had a problem or stand for any kind of diagnosis. My dad is pretty normal - a bit OCD, but very patient and stable. My brother, on the other hand, is a complete psycho.
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Originally Posted by Shayatanica
****, I'd have a coffee IV if it would taste as good! Hahaha
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A coffee IV!? Ah... squee! That would be FAB!! :-)