Hello Mr. Venomous....So sorry about all your hurt. It sounds like you're a very wounded soul. With different details, I have felt some of the feelings you're talking about here. Just a few thoughts. Maybe I missed it, but do you work with a therapist? It just sounds like you've got a tremendous amount of pain from the past to untangle, and you certainly deserve ~need (?) some help with all of it. And also, when I read your post what really hits me over the head is that "this is someone who is seeing things through the eyes of depression." And as so many of us know, depression has no scruples, no rules, no concern for anyone. Such a sad thing, but it's just a fact. And lastly, how wonderful that you have a best friend....and on top of that she's incredible! That goes straight to my heart, as I was just "deleted" by the person who I thought was my bff, and am in a world of pain and sadness. But you have an incredible best friend! What a blessing that is....which goes right back to my point....because you are seeing things through the eyes of this cruel demon, perhaps you are not even able to see that (in at least in one way), you have solid proof that you are a person worthy of being cared about. Well, whether any of this feels at all true to you, or not....I send warm wishes and hopes that some comfort comes your way as soon as possible.