thanks for your reply There definately is paranoia...but some people have said to me, that it is more about the delusion that he is the center of everyone's universe...therefore that everyone is talking about him all the time...rather than that everyone, especially women are out to get him, although there is a lot of that too 'you are just like all women...i overestimated you' ....because a friend asked him how I was in the street...therefore, I had discussed our private life with her in detail in his mind (which I had not and had no idea even that she had seen him)...definately very witholding...will withold everything and anything as 'punishment' from sex to text message replies to sharing a bottle of wine...he can drink a lot to become socially more able...but will actively refuse to share a bottle of wine over dinner, if he feels it upsets me...for instance if we have a birthday or celebration he will drink water rather than make a toast..ecc ecc... I realise I have issues too in that I am still asking and not running...but I need to understand, I think in order to cope with many things...thank you anyway