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oh kyangel, please don't down yourself so much! Do you have a t you can talk to about this? When your emotions are so strong and negative, only naturally for those with DDs is it to space out and try to be anywhere but here with our feelings, even if it's being unconsciously done.
Can you try some grounding techniques, or perhaps talk to a t or close friend? Take care of yourself!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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