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Talk with your treatment providers, they can help you gain the assertiveness and strength in general that you need to do this, you can do it and remember, no matter what, it's OK to say NO, this is your life and your family, she was not there for you as a child when you needed her you do not have to be there for her as an adult, it's your life and it's ok to say no, often it's good to do so
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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