Hello TV,

I feel so bad for you. I completely know how you feel, I am the same way. I feel like I live life via third person view. I am always watching and listening to myself when I interact with people and never feel like I am in the conversation because I am always nervous about what I doing and saying and then that makes me not follow whats being said, then they look at me weird, then I get more nervous and it just spirals downward on and on.

I feel like I make people uncomfortable because I myself am uncomfortable. Then I notice people don't talk to me like they do other people around me, then I think why is this? What is it about me? Am I weird or something? Its so confusing.

But I have figured out something that has been working for me. Like you said we need to face our fears. I used to always try to avoid people just so I don't have to talk to them etc. But what I have been doing more and more is when I get the urge of avoiding someone thats now my "que" to go to them instead and I place myself in that situation I usually avoid. I know its supper hard to do. But I force myself into it because I know eventually, if I keep doing this it will eventually weaken my fear. Its like anything we do, the more we do it the easier it becomes. It may take along time, but I don't care, I'm miserable being this way anyway, I might as well work on fixing it somehow.

I no longer let my fear control me. That's my new quote to myself. That just lets the condition get worse and get more control. I know this is easy for me to say all this, but logically I know this is the way out of it. It will never get better if I continue to indulge and cultivate my fears. That only reinforces them and makes it harder to change.

There is something about facing our fears. We know this is what we should do though its so hard at times I know. I am actually developing an eagerness for those situations of fear because its soooooo refreshing and empowering after I force myself to face the situation I would normally avoid! Its like after its over I raise my fist and say YEA I did it again!!!! I'm nowhere near where I want to be but I can see it getting easier!! Even if just barely!

I hope this encourages you. There are many of us out here suffering with the same fears. I feel we have to think our way out of a mess we thought our way into! I know its all in my head! No one is going to literally eat me though it sure feels like it all the time! All we have to fear is fear itself!! What words of wisdom!!

God bless you TV!