If I may enter this discussion, I want to point out there is something to be said for honesty from a T when they are supposed to help us be honest with ourselves. What if the T denied feeling attracted, yet blushed and stammered in Snuff's presence? What if she began to stalk Snuff in secret while saying "No. I'm not attracted to you. The feeling is not mutual."?

With the feelings I had for my T, I was told one thing that is the legal, responsible thing: "I am not going to have sex with you."

That is blunt and makes a statement about integrity and support for the dynamics of the relationship.

I took this very well. And I grew in my self-respect when I thought about what my T did NOT say. She did not say: "I am not attracted to you"; "you are disgusting"; "ewww--as IF". She did NOT say, "you are not allowed to speak of your feelings in here."

If T had said, "awesome! Let's ditch this therapy and start dating" then that would have been an ethical violation. Several variations on that theme would also be ethical violations. But to simply acknowledge mutual feelings is NOT an ethical violation; it is honesty, which a good T will model for us. We--the T and the client--can learn from this experience that we don't have to act on something just because we feel it. Snuff's T is modeling honesty, restraint, coping with loss and grief, and professionalism.

In the process of learning, even emotional learning, we need role models and we sometimes need (as Plato knew) a spark of passion. Passion can help us become better people. The restraining of said passion can help us model what to do with intense and unorthodox feelings. If more people practiced and modeled restraint, we would all learn to be kinder to one another.

I admire the T of Snuff. As for myself, had my T responded differently, I would have found more reasons to hate myself. She made her ethical responsibility and boundary clear without hurting me. And showed me an example of how to respond kindly and ethically to others' feelings. I have learned a great deal from this. And, in fact, I am no longer in love with her, but I love her, respect her, am attracted to her...all kinds of pleasurable and happy things. I'm not messed up, and I have learned a good way to respond to other people.

Before I told my T of my feelings, I began to notice little signs that she had feelings for me. She did not confirm or deny this. She simply stated: "I will not have sex with you." And I did not push her to elaborate. The workings of her inner mind and heart are not my business.

Keep up the great dialogue, everyone!