is a pretty accurate description. An empty shell is how I prefer because then I dont have to feel all the shame, guilt and total hatred that lurks. I know its there, because it never leaves. I muffle it as much as I can but I know that sooner or later it will get me. For now I just go on, with my "life". A life I know is wreckless and out of control and I have no desire to change it.

I would ask for help if I beleived that I truely wanted to change but I dont think that I do. I will stay here for now cause I am used to it.