Its hard for friends and family to watch us suffer. They can't relate to why we suffer but the suffer right along side of us for the lack of any ability to help. That is what I see in my friends and family. It is painful to not be able to help a loved one out of their suffering. They want us to be happy and because they can't know what we experience they are lost and that has to be hard to handle.

Its hard when you don't have any where else to turn but to friends or family. I have run the course with my people. I don't want to cause them any more grief so I put on the performances as required and I fake gratitude for their helpful advise. I know they mean well and I also know that the basis of what they are suggesting has merit. I just don't have the capacity to get any significant results. But they don't need to know the details of my life. And most importantly, I don't need them to understand what my life is like. It will make no difference to either of us to talk about it. They can't fix me but I can spare them the pain of trying.

I don't have access to a therapist. They cost money and getting to one cost money. Money I need for food and shelter. I don't think I am unique. I think there are a lot of us left alone to find our way through life with a mental disorder. I can't afford meds nor do I have access to any one doctor long enough to actually forge out a treatment strategy. I seem to somehow always fall through the cracks when I go searching for help. It just never seems to be there beyond the crisis.

Science knows very very little about mental disorders so how can we expect the average person to know much about it either. Give them all a break is what I say. They are doing the best they can to love us and accept us and help us and why.... because they care. They care that we suffer. I have decided to leave it there. I feel the hurt of not having someone fill the void..... just one person who gets it.... but I am not putting that on my friends and family. That would be abusive of me. I lvoe them back for loving me and I give them air to advice and 'help' me but I don' take it personally.